I must confess that I love drinking games, like I love them. The Odd household can turn anything into a drinking game (case in point: in addition to the standard rules of drinking rugby the Argentina vs Scotland match in the rugby world cup was made infinitely more fun by the introduction of the Patterson hat, whoever was wearing said hat (given as punishment for infringements of the International Drinking Rules) had to drink every time Chris Patterson was shown in close-up for the duration of his appearance. Five minutes in the Patterson hat and you are fucking wasted) and we do, frequently.
Because my music died on my walk to work I had plenty of time to sketch out some basic rules, just in case the benevolent Pajiba Gods decide not to give us a comments diversion for it in the near future. I have crafted a rudimentary set of rules mainly for the comments found on Pajiba reviews. If anyone has suggestions for a review based drinking game, or rules to add please feel free to abuse me in the comments. And now, far be it from me to deprive anyone from boozy goodness so, out of sheer public service, may I present:
The Pajiban Drinking Game – because reading through fifty odd snarky and bickering comments sometimes needs something to take the edge off.
The basics:
Drinks taken are measured in “fingers” of depth down the glass. I suggest playing with pints of beer, bottles if you’re a lightweight. For the love of God, please don’t play with whiskey. The basic terminology is as follows:
Sip: does exactly what it says on the tin, take as much (or as little as you want) depending on how hardcore you’re feeling
Drink: take two finger’s worth of your drink
Swig: take four finger’s worth of your drink
Chin: finish your drink
Shot: take a shot of the hard stuff (your choice but you get extra points for making it Bushmills)
Most rules require you to drink but you may need to take a shot if certain conditions are met. Got it? Good.
The Rules:
- Sip every time you see…
- An offended comment
- Shot: it was made by BarbadoSlim
- A comment by socalledonlycousins
- The phrase “fantastic review”
- A suggested addition to a Guide to What’s Good for You
- A quotation in italics
- A commenter name in bold.
Drink if…- A commenter corrects the reviewer’s spelling or grammar
- The phrase “fantastic review”
- Shot: it’s within the first five posts
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of another commenter’s name
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of an actor/director’s name
- A commenter references Firefly or Serenity
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of an actor/director’s name
- Shot: it’s a quote
- Something is deemed as deserving “a Paddlin’”
- A commenter downgrades their excitement about seeing a film
- A commenter thanks the reviewer for taking a bullet
- Anybody bemoans a remake
- A comment exceeds three paragraphs
- Two commenters get into a conversation entirely unrelated to the review
- A commenter downgrades their excitement about seeing a film
- Take a drink for each comment that is part of the exchange
- A commenter reminds someone of the site’s tagline
Swig if…- A commenter is referred to by name before they reply in a particular section
- One commenter proposes marriage to another
- Someone complains of elitism
- There is an argument over the definition and/or usage of a particular word
- A commenter is referred to by name before they reply in a particular section
- Shot: That word is retarded.
- Shot: That word is misogyny.
- Shot: That word is anything relating to racism.
- Shot: That word is misogyny.
- Someone offers to hand in their Pajiba membership card
- Anyone complains that the review is invalid because the reviewer is not of the target demographic
- Anyone claims a commenter’s arguments are invalid because they haven't seen the film
- A collective noun for the site’s readership that isn’t “Pajibans” is used
Someone claims that Hollywood is watching us
Chin if…- The review was in a non-standard format
- Someone claims to be “first”
- A comment is under three words in length
- A trade round up is entirely positive
Drink yourself into Oblivion if…- A Tyler Perry review gets less than thirty comments
- Anyone complains that the review is invalid because the reviewer is not of the target demographic
- If none of them concern race you’re going to need rehab
- Any of the following people are referred to as “talented” or “a visionary”
- Lindsey Lohan
- Paris Hilton
- Dane Cook
- Uwe Boll
- Brett Ratner
- Larry the Cable Guy
- Eli Roth
- Paris Hilton
- Somebody admits to liking Norbitt
Suggestions? Random abuse? You know what to do.
29 comments:
I must suggest these additions: 1) A drink every time someone takes issue with the phrase, "begs the question"; 2) a sip whenever Lloyd Dobler is mentioned; 3) another sip if one of those obnoxious reviewers takes issue with Paul Haggis, Zach Braff, or Peter Jackson; 4) a shot if a commenter takes umbrage to the use of "Mongoloid," and 5) a chin if pasadenamike incoherently implies that Slim be his wing-man.
Also, outstanding job, ATO. You've deftly made caricatures of us all! And, perhaps, encouraged more of us to drink. Thanks.
I heartily second the outstanding job. Pajiba Party at my house!
There's nothing like a drinking game to sum up the influence something has in your life. I'm probably going to spend a lot of today pontificating on what Pajiba means to me, and how on earth it became my most frequently visited site.
Thanks for doing this. God I can't wait to be able to get drunk again (post-pregnancy).
Katy, there's no reason you can't take a drink now - you're just drinking for two, is all.
Outstanding work, Alex. The only problem is, one attempt to play this game with a review of, for example, Knocked Up, and we'd all be dead.
I may have to start drinking just to be a part of this fun little game.
HAHA! I love it. You might want to add if Barbado Slim IS offensive. Because I don't think he is that easily offended.
Been reading more posts
I change my comment...You are right on...ha ha.
TK - That's been my husband's reasoning throughout this process, that he's the one drinking for two now. He thinks it gets funnier each time. I don't quite agree. And no one is going to hold me up as the model mom/pregnant lady, as I have had 1-2 glasses of wine per week since my second trimester. But that doesn't cut it anymore. I've got a good old fashioned bender brewing up in my system. Soon enough...soon enough.
Lawdy girl, you've got some damn time on your hands to have thought this one out.
You are bound to get some Love for this one...
Dustin: you're absolutely right, in fact I think we also need a "they're raping my childood clause in there too...
litely: Ooooh, will there be cake? And by "cake" I of course mean "vodka".
katy: The main reason I aim to avoid pregnancy is that I can't really conceive (ouch, pun not intended) of not drinking for nine months, I feel for you, I really do.
gwch: Well, I do live to corrupt.
lyricalcat: Thanks :)
Manda: I have literally the world's most boring job, I managed to do freelance work, create a drinking game and completely rearrange my office today and that's after finishing my day's work.
And I don't do it for the love. I do it for the booze. Speaking of which, I'm off to grab a beer.
"a chin if pasadenamike incoherently implies that Slim be his wing-man"
But that will end up being every time he posts . . . .
AtO, is your banner meant to be spelled "circluar"?
socalledonlycousins
BLoody hell fire socalled how the hell have I managed to miss that?
On second thoughts... I have no idea what you're talking about...
Honest.
Hee, that was fantastic AtO. This game should create quite the sales surge at my local liquor store when the next torture porn is inevitably released.
Uh oh I think socalled started the drinking game already...with his own rules...seriously, circluar?
I like this game, any excuse to drink myself silly is fine by me. Oh and you people have ruined my life. Before I started reading pajiba, I didn't know certain people existed (not living in America and all), I had a very relaxed relationship with films, now I can't help but see the flaws, you bastards. I was going to blame my sarcasm on you, but that would be a lie, we're just a very good fit.
*Joker*
I actually had some friends over one night after the bars closed (1am in Portland, ME), and a buddy brought his girlfriend and one of her friends over... well this friend not only started talking about how funny a movie Norbitt was, but after I challenged this idiocy she had the gaul to explain that I just didn't get it cause I don't understand black people (FYI, she's not black). After verbally berating her, I immediately told her to get out. The fact that more of my friends didn't understand my issues with this is making me heavily reevaluate my friendships... and heavily drink. But since it wasn't in a comment at the site, I am not yet in oblivion.
Is there a 12 step program in our future? I already feel I have a serious problem.....My name is Finn and I am a Pajiban.
Alex my girl: I bow before you. You have moved from the ranks of honorary Irish(wo)man to bona fide Irish(wo)man with this one. In fact I sent the link for this to a friend who works for Guinness and it's currently circulating around their corporate offices.
One additional rule if I may:
A sip when a commenter accuses the reviewer of being misogynistic and a shot whenever a commenter fervently believes that a reviewer has intentionally cast aspersions on the entire student body and alumnae of Wellesley and Smith Colleges, and is forced to rush to the defence of those poor chicks.
Hiccup.
Ha, love to see someone take a crazy idea and run with it. Fabulous work, AtO (now, can I try these rules out here and take a drink? If I figure out how to do bold, can I sip too?? Wait, let me try it: AtO Wheee!).
Dustin, I always kind of thought that pasadenamike actually WAS BarbadoSlim, validating himself using a nom de plume...am I crazy? ARE YA FEELIN ME, D?
You do realize AtO that we'll now all be tempted to leave certain comments just to cause more drinking. In fact, I think I'll begin referring in every comment section the the visionary Brett Ratner and the talented Uwe Boll. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch my favorite movie: the amazing Norbit.
Oh, this is awesome. I'd say you have to promise to play with me if I ever happen to be on your side on the pond, but there's a 100% chance of that happening in the next few months and I'd rather not be a scary internet stalker. Although most scary internet stalkers aren't 21 year old girls, as best I can tell.
And I may have to start watching rugby just to understand the concept of a Patterson hat.
Is it wrong that I mainly read that list to make sure I wasn't the cause of a Pajiba drinking game rule?
Thankfully, there was no mention of "For every comment that claims horror films are filled with artistic merit" or "For every defense of the quality of acting/screenplay/direction in a horror film in contrast with the reviewer."
And the only thing I ever thought (never wrote on these sites) was good about Norbit was the make-up work, and even then I could NEVER say I enjoyed the film.
Ahem.
YOU ROCK AGAIN!!!
That is all.
Drink everytime someone claims that we're all sheep just agreeing with the reviewer(s) no matter what. I love that one. Baaaaaaaaaaa!
Um, I actually really like Norbit and I read Pajiba everday. I have the movie downloaded on my computer and I watch it at least once a week.
I can't help it. Rasputia is the classiest woman I have ever seen.
Pajiboid!
Pajiboididians
Pajiboids
Alex, my girl-crush on you is now firmly cemented. It started with your bit on tattoos, and with this? I even delurked, that's how good it is.
If you ever need a California drinking game buddy, let me know.
oh this is absolutely brilliant. I think the other cubicles think I'm having too much fun! I love being able to read that, and GET it- love the pajiba love!
Good for people to know.
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