bandwagon jumping

Well, I was feeling guilty for my lack of postage of late (seriously, my life is so frakking boring right now it's unreal and, other than the fact that I've actually started using made up swear words in my every day speech which is freaking people out, nothing has actually happened to me in the last couple of months) and then I stumble upon a superb idea posted on both TK and Manny's blogs which I will now completely rip off because if there's one thing I love more than talking about myself it's writing open letters:


Dear My Thirteen Year Old Self,

Hi, Alex. Yes, one day people will call you that. And it won't sound weird, and it won't be forced. You're going to have to wait a while for that one though - but here's a tip: When you get to University just decide to be Alex, introduce yourself that way. Don't wait for someone else to name you because if you do it's going to be the start of something toxic.

Don't worry about that now though, I'm getting ahead of ourselves.

First up: start eating meat. Like, now. I know you hate food and I know that eating something weird or with an unexpected texture makes you gag. But you're painfully thin and once you start eating meat you'll have so many more options. You can't stay as skinny as you are, if you do then it'll stick in your mind that this is how you should look which is really going to screw with your head in college. I also know that you threw up breakfast every morning last March just because you couldn't stomach it. Just tell Mum, she's not going to think you're bulimic. Trust me, and trust her.

And listen, one day you're going to eat everything. You think now that you'll be scared of food forever, that you'll stay phobic, but you won't. You're going to be able to sit in a restaurant and dig into something without knowing what's in it - only that it tastes good. Boys will make you meals and you'll be able to eat every scrap without worrying about what ingredients are in there. You're going to end up being a brilliant cook.

You're going to love food and you're going to wish you'd been braver earlier.

Secondly: School is going to suck, and I'll tell you this now: you're going to ask to leave every single year and you're still going to be there until the end. You need to stay until Sixthform. Some good things happen then, and you get to meet some good people - stick it out.

The girl that makes you go home crying, the one your mother wants to suffocate? You're going out with her this evening. Do me a favour and don't lose touch with her during university, you're going to have some hard times and you're going to be confused about who you are and she is the one person who will never judge you. Admit everything to her and keep nothing back. She's not even going to mind when you sleep with her brother (I know, right? And he gets even cuter. We rock, young lady) she is however, never going to let you forget it.

Oh, and the whiny American girl she was friends with - the one you fucking hate right now? Ten years from now she'll be one of the few good things that came out of that place. Don't start being nice to her though, it'll spoil all the fun.

Don't go to Bolivia. I know that sounds kind of random now but in a couple of years you'll know what I mean. It's going to be torture. It's going to teach you fuck all. It won't make you stronger, or wiser or more tolerant. It's just going to make you pissed off, homicidal and three grand poorer. The only reason you should ever consider going is that it's going to be the event that turns you into a carnivore but if you listened to me earlier that shouldn't matter. If you do go and you hear Lizzie say those things about you and your family, don't stay quiet. Please go right ahead and punch her. Trust me, she deserves it.

Oh and while we're on the subject: wear flats every once in a while. Try in PE lessons. Carry on dancing. Your Achilles tendons are going to thank me for it.

Some bad stuff is coming up in the next six months. I'm not going to lie. It's going to be the worst thing you've ever gone through. Keep your chin up because when you come out the other side things are going to be so much easier. But for now, spend as much time as you can with your Dad and Carolyn and the kids. Especially Thomas, he's a good guy and the closest to an older brother you're going to have until Gareth comes along. You're going to miss him. Keep your eyes open during Christmas and remember it all, you're going to need the ammo.

Don't fret about it though, there's nothing you can do and believe it or not that's a good thing.

As far as boys are concerned (seriously, I know you just skipped down to this paragraph go back to the beginning and read this through) here are a few pointers:

When you get there, take a chance on the cute boy who walks you home from panto rehearsals: I know he's not going anywhere: who cares? You're only going to be sixteen once and cute boys don't remain that way for long.

Stalking your friend's crush over text message under her instruction in a couple of years time may seem like a good idea to her at the time but it's going to end in (her) tears. She'll be stronger after though, so don't feel too guilty if you can't help yourself.

I wish I could tell you what to do about guys when you get to University but I really can't. I still don't know I'm afraid sweetie. All I know is this: You're going to chose the wrong boy because of some misguided notion that you can't be with nice guys because you're a bitch. You're wrong but this is a mistake you need to make.

Just make sure you socialise, make some friends that are your own, stay away from cute American boys unless you're actually going to have the guts to leave him. Don't take his crap, it's better to be on your own that miserable and insecure. You're not going to listen because you're me, and I didn't listen either but try reaching out - they're not going to say "I told you so".

Don't hide the fact you play video games, listen to crap music and still love cartoons. You're going to be the exact same way in ten years time and believe it or not it's going to make you interesting.

Be nice to J, he's going to be a good friend one day.

Don't give up on Maria, she's going to really need you. More than once.

And don't worry about school - you know how smart you are, you're going to do great. You might want to learn to revise though, and occasionally do homework. You're right in thinking that you don't need to but trust me: you'll thank me for it when you hit college.

Take care, kid. Life just keeps on getting better.

Lots of love,

You, at 22.

ps. Don't worry about leaving Mum on her own when you leave for Uni. She's going to meet someone and she's going to be happy enough to make up for the last twenty years. He'll love her more than you ever thought possible. And one day you're going to call him Dad.